Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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