I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
