well I can't set my house on fire every night
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
