rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
