my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Everyone says I win the strip club
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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