I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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