I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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