I hope my margaritas pass through security.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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