Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
