At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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