I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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