just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
