You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We are all done wearing pants today
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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