i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
