Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
