I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
