he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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