Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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