It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
