if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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