i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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