I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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