Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
