If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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