I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
bring money and cleavage
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
