im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
