You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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