boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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