how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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