No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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