My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
