I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
And then my night got REAL pukey
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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