According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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