Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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