it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
and you fell through a lawn chair
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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