I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
