I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
