i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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