I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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