I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
