you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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