Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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