Small penises have feelings too.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
