Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize