please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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