I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
