I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
