This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
