i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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