I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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