I'm so fucking centered right now
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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