Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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