Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
