Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
