I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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