No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Princesses don't give blow jobs
two words: eviction party
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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