Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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