i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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