I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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