No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
