At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
