jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude i'm inner monologue high
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
