we should wear snuggies to the strip club
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
