so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
