Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
